Everyone else has already made jokes about Patrcia Krentcil, the New Jersey mom who brought her five-year-old to a tanning salon with her. Now it’s our turn. Just to clear something up, the leathered mom didn’t actually take her daughter tanning. But when you practice transcendental orangification, people will judge a book by it’s cover—even if that book is leather bound. Thank you. Read the rest of this entry »
Big Bang Theory vs Community, Beyonce, Coffee, and Objectivity; Junior Seau and Banning Football; Hipster Racism[ 1:10:45 ]Play Now | Play in Popup | Download
Many places of learning are struggling financially because learning is boring. Plus nerds only know how to make money by asking for donations. As a result, more zoos are closing than Mannie Fresh at a big, black ass convention. To the rescue comes AshleyMadison.com, a website that encourages adultery by pairing up people who want to cheat on their spouses. The website wants naming rights to the Toronto Zoo in return for a wad of unfulfilled, middle-aged cash. Of course, soccer moms are in a tizzy, but going to the Ashley Madison Zoo wouldn’t seem so bad if we just posthumously change Margaret Mead’s name to Ashley Madison. Read the rest of this entry »
Islamic Fundamentalism: a fat, smelly, hairy problem
It’s weird that Islamic Fundamentalism still exists. Really, it’s the most striking anachronism we encounter besides “talk to the hand jokes” on New Girl. Concurrently, our world has a man in California pushing the boundaries of space exploration—while making a profit—and a man in Palestine who blows up Jews, and himself, to have sex with virgins. These two people are the same species, by the way. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s natural for Americans to look up to the First Family because we’re really good at projecting. Even celebrities do it. Recently Beyonce posted a note to Michelle Obama on her website, thanking her for being strong, caring, and most importantly, black. Beyonce then went on to thank the First Lady for wearing sequin dresses and writing “Single Ladies.” Read the rest of this entry »
Yesterday was a rough day for me. Nothing in particular bad happened, and really, I have one of the greatest lives in the history of the world. But sometimes I wake up and I’m instantly moody. It happens about three times per month, like PMS spread out. But then a friend called to tell me about this story, and everything changed. Axl Rose refuses to attend the Rock Hall induction ceremony, nor will he accept their induction (*pupils dilate, exhale in relief). The melody of that sentence must be what listening to every song on Appetite all at once sounds like. Read the rest of this entry »