I am Mark.
Three lessons we can learn from a Cock Rock contributor’s girl problem.
Mark welcomes Dr. Kevin Nadal to discuss whether it’s okay to use “gay” as a pejorative. Buy his new book That’s so Gay! Microaggressions and the LGBT Community.
The best of Cock Rock.
Mark talks with Paul Elam from A Voice for Men about feminism, masculinity, and the state of therapy.
Five lessons we can learn from Chris Brown.
Free Carly Crunk Bear (37:30).
Derek picks up bad vibes from this article (54:00).
If I was your father, I wouldn’t be there for you, either.
One of the most trope-y scenes in The Karate Kid is when Mr. Miyagi teaches Daniel-san that the purpose of learning to fight is so you don’t have to fight. But hey, it’s trope-y for a reason—because it’s true.
You learn to fight to become comfortable with the tension of a fight. As you become comfortable with this tension, you control the tension instead of the tension controlling you. Bouncers understand this. They know to be more wary of the guy with a steely stare than the guy who flies off the handle at the slightest provocation. The guy whose pulse stays under 80 has been there before.
The above brotip speaks to a similar idea: The purpose of going out and getting laid as often as possible isn’t to get laid as often as possible—it’s to learn you don’t have to get laid.
When you get to know enough girls on a certain level, so to speak, you put the pieces of girl world together. You understand girl as organism. More importantly, you put your own pieces together. You find out what works for you, and what doesn’t work. You develop your own standards, you learn who you are in relation to girls, and you become more powerful as a result. The need for sex diminishes, and you are in a better position to control your destiny with girls.
In going through this process, you overcome something I call psychological virginity, which is when a guy loses his virginity, but he still thinks like a virgin because he has no idea how he ever got laid in the first place. To him, the circumstances of sex are serendipitous, so he cannot go out and remake those circumstances again. A psychological virgin has no idea what he did right, so all he can do is listen to his friends’ hearsay and brotelligence, which is hit-or-miss at best. As a result, sex is lucky.
The only way out of this luck mindset is trial and error, mostly error. And your path needs to be your own. This is why the dating advice on Cock Rock is about broader concepts like attitudes and beliefs. I cannot give you a step-by-step guide. Also, I don’t want to delude young men into thinking there is a shortcut to achieving what it is you want with girls, whether it’s getting married or collecting specimens for your harem.
Developing the power to have choice with girls—overcoming psychological virginity—can be an interesting journey, to put it euphemistically. For instance, it took around 500 good, sober rejections until I lost my psychological virginity. And of course, none of this did anything to prepare me for a real relationship.
But what has kept me going throughout the process isn’t the promise of getting laid. Getting laid is easy. It’s really no big deal, anyway. So if that’s your goal, your motivation will fade after a few hit-and-runs. Then you’ll get a girlfriend and that will be it. Which is fine, I suppose. As I’ve said before, if you only want to skin one cat, the knife doesn’t need to be that sharp. But a higher level of consciousness, choice, and power exists, and if you’re not there now, that’s fine—all you need to know is it exists.
14 Mar 2013
29 Jan 2013
13 Jan 2013