Archive for Dating

Analysis: Bitches Love Smiley Faces


Three lessons we can learn from a Cock Rock contributor’s girl problem.
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laughing all the way to the vagina bank

Five lessons we can learn from Chris Brown.
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Girls are Supposed to Say No

man eater

Rejection is the beginning of the interaction, not the end.
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The Modern Duel

banter has replaced the sabre

The duel between men was born of honor, integrity, and the chance to have sex with the loser’s woman. Though mainly it’s just born of sex, which is what everything is born of, figuratively and literally.
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The Final Solution to Dry Spells

Dry spells happen to the best of us. And to the rest of us, they happen all the time. Hey, your whole life might be one, long dry spell, with only a few rainy seasons. It’s natural to feel like killing yourself if you’ve gone a month without smelling pussy, but I have a solution, a Final Solution, if you will. If dry spells were the Jews, this one solution would be like a successful Hitler.
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The Receptive Face

can you tell the Olsen twins apart?

We all know that girls like sex just as much as guys do, perhaps more so. But this doesn’t mean that a girl will ever pounce on you. Girls don’t think, “Wow, I really need to have sex with that guy, so I better rip his clothes off.” Sure, this happens sometimes to famous people, Cock Rock employees, or if you’re a master at teasing girls. But if you always wait until a girl gets sexually aggressive, you’re going to think girls don’t want to have sex with you. You’ll find solace in Michael Cera movies, then girls really won’t want to have sex with you.
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Seven Ways to Get a Girl to Think You’re Trustworthy

in Birdman girls trust

When a guy meets a girl, he often tries to get her to like him. This seems logical, but trying to get somebody to like you invariably turns you into a pussy. It’s better if a girl simply trusts you because, even if she doesn’t like you, she’ll still do you. More importantly, you’ll be happier with yourself. Trust trumps like. As my buddy Derek asks rhetorically: How can the Big Tymers beat up pussy yet still swim in it? Sure, the Big Tymers are handsome, but ultimately, girls will always be able to trust them, even if they happen to be against genital mutilation.
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If You Don’t Get Slapped, Then You’re Not Trying Hard Enough


the sweet spot

One of my axioms for dealing with girls is, “If you don’t get slapped, then you’re not trying hard enough.” People usually laugh at this. Maybe they think it’s a joke. But if you’ve never been slapped by a girl, then you don’t know where the line is, so you’ll never get the success you deserve. A story from the comedian Louis CK demonstrates this point, while conveying a feeling of frustration all guys can relate to:
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What to Think to a Girl

You want them and they’re not happy about it. No siree, bob.

I was talking to a friend last week and he said, “I send guys to your site when they ask what they should say to a girl, just to give them a kick in the ass.” Of course, I don’t give advice on what to say to girls because I’m not Mystery. But my friend understands something that most guys, especially Mystery, never do: It doesn’t matter what you say to girls. If you’re out with a girl and you think she’ll like you if you just say the right words, then you’re going to lose no matter what you say, even if you sound like James Bond’s improv coach.
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What Men Need for Christmas

this is what most Christmas gifts look like to the male psyche

Men, above all else, need to be free. At the same time, we want to be in a relationship, which makes for an interminable conflict. So, the best thing girls can get their boyfriends for Christmas is something that will alleviate this battle. Most Christmas gifts for guys, however, only seem like pleasantries when they’re actually leashes… kind of like relationships.
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