Archive for Manliness

To Cum on her Face

tut tut, it looks like rain

The question of whether it’s okay to cum on a girl’s face speaks to a fundamental relationship dynamic.
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Smartphones Turn You Into a Girl

nobody cares! no-bo-dy caaaares! (to the tune of Beethoven’s 5th)

Smartphones are more emasculating than a Gloria Steinem clone army.
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On Being a Pig

oink, oink, baby

I love being a pig, and not just because AC Slater is my spiritual advisor.
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Girls are Supposed to Say No

man eater

Rejection is the beginning of the interaction, not the end.
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The Modern Duel

banter has replaced the sabre

The duel between men was born of honor, integrity, and the chance to have sex with the loser’s woman. Though mainly it’s just born of sex, which is what everything is born of, figuratively and literally.
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A Psychological Strip Club

how a female friend can make your brain feel

It was a typical Summer. I met many girls. Most of them didn’t like me, and a few were smart enough to look at me and think, “yeah, that dude is a good idea.” But two girls in particular will always stand out the most from this Summer. When I met them, we got along, but it wouldn’t have been a good idea to bone down on either of them. There were prominent cultural forces conspiring against us, so I held back. It’s best not to get physical with a girl unless you believe beyond a reasonable doubt that her life would be better with your dick in it.
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The Final Solution to Dry Spells

Dry spells happen to the best of us. And to the rest of us, they happen all the time. Hey, your whole life might be one, long dry spell, with only a few rainy seasons. It’s natural to feel like killing yourself if you’ve gone a month without smelling pussy, but I have a solution, a Final Solution, if you will. If dry spells were the Jews, this one solution would be like a successful Hitler.
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Two Stories that Validate Feminism

a void that women must fill

Feminism is wrong, but it still can be necessary. Beating up girls is wrong, but hey, sometimes girls aren’t making sandwiches. Below are two stories that represent the male equivalent of not making sandwiches.
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The Receptive Face

can you tell the Olsen twins apart?

We all know that girls like sex just as much as guys do, perhaps more so. But this doesn’t mean that a girl will ever pounce on you. Girls don’t think, “Wow, I really need to have sex with that guy, so I better rip his clothes off.” Sure, this happens sometimes to famous people, Cock Rock employees, or if you’re a master at teasing girls. But if you always wait until a girl gets sexually aggressive, you’re going to think girls don’t want to have sex with you. You’ll find solace in Michael Cera movies, then girls really won’t want to have sex with you.
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The Joy of Being Expendable

Terry Crews, understanding he is expendable

In case you live under a Richard Simmons rock, you know The Expendables 2 is coming out this Summer. I’m so pumped for this movie my penis looks like Stallone’s forearms whenever I watch the trailer. Sure, the second installment of this all-star action franchise will have enough testosterone to give Jon Stewart secondary sexual characteristics, and Schwarzenegger will rip the door off a Smart Car—which is the best commentary on the Smart Car I’ve seen. But it will also have depth and maturity unseen in most Oscar contenders, let alone movies with more guns than people.
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