Comments are for the peanut gallery; discussions are for high society.

Have you actually read through a comment thread? I have, and every time I do I feel like I’ll never be happy again. They’re the dementors of the internet.

Leaving a comment is worse. It combines the aforementioned unhappiness with a masturbatory element. Your comment is as meaningless as a self-induced jizz stain. You may feel good for that split second as you hit “post,” but the build-up and post-comment nap are topped off with self loathing.

So, as you may have noticed, Cock Rock has done away with the comment thread. I don’t want you, the reader, to comment—I want you to have a discussion. My telephone number is all over the place here, so if you have anything to say about what I’ve written—or what any of the contributors have written—feel free to give me a call and we’ll hash it out.

Or call somebody else, or talk to your neighbor, your girlfriend, or some guy walking down the street who looks like he could use an earful.

Not only does this class up Cock Rock, but this classes up society. Imagine if, whenever we expressed an opinion, we actually had to explain it coherently and publicly. In a society in which it actually takes thought and nerve to have an opinion, increasingly more dumbasses will sit in the back of the class and keep their mouths shut.

More importantly, discussions make you a less-weird person. Whereas comments make you a basement-dwelling mouth breather, discussions make you engaged in life. Discussions temper feelings of self-righteousness through confrontation. Discussions are constant reminders that your thought in your head doesn’t matter unless you can communicate it to other people, especially to people who disagree with you. In short, comments are for the peanut gallery. Discussions are for high society.

As a bonus, I’ll record every phone call, so if we have a good discussion, then I’ll post the mp3 at the end of the article of interest. This makes the article an evolving organism, like how the snow leopard grew a longer tail to give it better balance. As opposed to what comments do, which is more like putting four asses on a monkey.

To comment, call 646-590-2611.