if a Tyler Perry show was a drinking fountain
By the time I was 13-years-old, I only met three black people. One of them was my friend Marcus, as if his name wouldn’t be Marcus. But what I lacked in connection with blacks growing up, I made up for in watching blacks on television. The Cosby Show, In Living Color, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Martin, and Family Matters were staples of my pre-pubescent TV regimen. I even watched Sister, Sister.
Read More→
Bill Murray aka Loger Moolrle
Read this article at Taki’s Magazine.
Terry Crews, understanding he is expendable
In case you live under a Richard Simmons rock, you know The Expendables 2 is coming out this Summer. I’m so pumped for this movie my penis looks like Stallone’s forearms whenever I watch the trailer. Sure, the second installment of this all-star action franchise will have enough testosterone to give Jon Stewart secondary sexual characteristics, and Schwarzenegger will rip the door off a Smart Car—which is the best commentary on the Smart Car I’ve seen. But it will also have depth and maturity unseen in most Oscar contenders, let alone movies with more guns than people.
Read More→
Islamic Fundamentalism: a fat, smelly, hairy problem
It’s weird that Islamic Fundamentalism still exists. Really, it’s the most striking anachronism we encounter besides “talk to the hand jokes” on New Girl. Concurrently, our world has a man in California pushing the boundaries of space exploration—while making a profit—and a man in Palestine who blows up Jews, and himself, to have sex with virgins. These two people are the same species, by the way.
Read More→
cash mobs look like this only gayer
Have you ever wondered what you would do if you were a lawyer living in Cleveland? If you had one of the most depressing jobs in one of the most depressing cites in America? (Eat your hearts out, dentists in Detroit.) With the advent of cash mob, we no longer have to wonder.
Read More→
a smile that makes you feel butter
Paula Deen admitted this week that she has type 2 diabetes. Given that she’s queen of the insulin spike, this is less shocking than when Ellen DeGeneres came out of the closet. The only difference is nobody called Ellen a hypocrite for not divulging her personal life as soon as possible. The de facto leader of this backlash against Deen is Anthony Bourdain of “old guy with an earring” fame:
Read More→
the true face of Christmas
Every Christmas season, we as a society reflect on the meaning of Christmas. But “reflect” is just a euphemism for “rationalize what we already think.” To uncover the true meaning of Christmas, to do away with dogma and platitudes, we must analyze what’s essential about Christmas. There’s no better way to do this than to find the common thread in the greatest Christmas songs. This will shed light on what truly makes Christmas great, and so its true meaning.
Read More→
say cheese!... um, or not
In a world that became increasingly wussy over the last 40 years, Christohper Hitchens made a name for himself by becoming increasingly an asshole. While everyone was trying to get along, he was telling people why they were wrong. If he wasn’t such a flabby Briton, he would have organized a team of mercenaries, stormed the Vatican, suplexed the Pope, and exclaim, “Mother Teresa is the whore of Calcutta!”
Read More→
Sandusky : a priest :: Paterno : the Pope
It’s been more than a week since news of Penn State’s pedophilia broke and sportscasters are still parroting “shame on Joe Paterno.” This is no more than an exercise in self-satisfaction. Instead, we need to figure out why the butt rapes were covered up so we can keep them from happening in the future. The Catholic Church, as the paragon of a culture that aids and abets butt rapes, can give us clues. If we understand what it has in common with Penn State, we will understand the underlying causes of a culture that thinks it’s okay to protect child molesters.
Read More→
Hey look, Keynes crosses his legs. No surprise there.
Last Friday in The Wall Street Journal, Allan H. Meltzer, an economist at the Hoover Institute, wrote an article called Four Reasons Keynesians Keep Getting It Wrong. In it, he lists four reasons why… well, you know. Here are the four reasons:
Read More→
14 Mar 2013
29 Jan 2013
13 Jan 2013
Seven Signs a Girl Wants You 
My 30 Days Without Ejaculation 
Girls are Supposed to Say No 
An Open Letter to The Chive 
The Six Best Ways to Show Sexual Interest in a Girl 
The Greatest Men Since Sliced Bread 
Brotips translation: Bitches love smiley faces 
O’Reilly Never Took 8th Grade Science 
Brotips translation: overseeing your girlfriend’s emotions Jamie Oliver is a Girl 
It’s Okay to Have a Penis 
When to Text a Picture of Your Penis to a Girl 
How to not be a Hipster 
On Being a Pig 
Brotips translation: psychological virginity