Episode 61: Miley Cyrus, Wikileaks and Julian Assange, LeBron’s Return

By: Cock Rock Posted in Podcasts on Sunday, December 12, 2010

We react to Miley’s bong video with empathetic annoyance (0:45)

Julian Assange is a necessary douche (18:20)

LeBron returns to Cleveland to confirm that he made the right decision (43:00)

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    1. Beezard says:

      On the LeBron thing:

      I think you should start embracing the mindless mob mentality behind sporting events. It’s really the point and pith behind watching sports. It’s great to see people with athletic talent do things that we can’t do, but if human beings actually appreciated that they would watch the Olympics. They don’t. Most of the world watches Soccer.

      Why is this? America has historically been so nationalistically anti-soccer that they’ve missed the broader pull of sporting events in general. Soccer isn’t the biggest sport in the world because because it’s so great to watch. Soccer is King because it’s one of the oldest organized sports, it’s based on the two pillars of frustration and ejaculation, and because it was invented by the most heedlessly divisive, violent, regionalist and racist cultures we know: The English.

      In most of the world, watching soccer has evolved over the decades into the perfect expression of clumsy crowd psychology. This is not only more interesting then whether or not a guy can dribble, it’s also absolutely necessary for the survival of mankind.

      Libertarians might recoil at the idea, but yelling and fighting and insulting and destroying property as a group is not only fun, it’s unavoidable human behavior.

      The true point of sporting exhibitions is to allow us to indulge in our desires to become the beer swilling, rude gesture making cog of a larger organism in an environment and context where it doesn’t actually effect anything except a few shattered goal posts and shop windows.

      That booing you heard is a good thing. While I heartily respect your choice as a Cleveland fan to support James, I think it would have been more worrying if people in Cleveland had just quietly put up with somebody taking a dump on their city and DIDN’T boo him. If all Clevelanders were such pussies, then my frat brothers and I might think you were a bunch of queermos that we should bro-rape (on account of you being a bunch of homos that like getting raped by bros).

    2. Cock Rock says:

      I reject the notion that men have some innate desire to be a “cog of a larger organism.” Men may have an innate desire for violence, which can be healthfully transmuted via sports (or “bro-rape,” in your case) but only people with nothing better to do with their lives want to be a cog.

      And I’m not saying that Cleveland should have taken LeBron’s decision lying down. What they should have done is turn their focus on LeBron to themselves and ask, “what could we do to become a better city?” The answer to this question is simple, but Cleveland would rather make excuses for themselves. It’s actually a really sad situation, the concretization of which is the booing of LeBron.

      It’s just like when a girl breaks up with guy. He shouldn’t call her a bitch and talk about all the bad things about her, because not only does that distract him from the real problem (which is himself) but now he’s going to be bitter toward women for a while, if not the rest of his life. The only option after that kind of delusion is to date a feminist; they’re the only ones who will indulge his hatred of women.

    3. Beezard says:

      I’m not suggesting most people wish to PERMANENTLY become part of a cog, but group behavior (dissident or otherwise) can be intuitively absorbing and pleasurable. It’s nature over nurture. You can’t logic this away anymore than a priest can pray away his boner.

      I’ll relate it to soccer again because you can usually find the most extreme examples of this willful group think: Acting like a complete jackass after a foul or a goal simultaneously with thousands of people, or joining everyone around you as they tear the flag out of some Honduran cunt’s hands after he tried to run it through your section of the stadium can be a thoroughly intoxicating experience. Losing yourself can be fun. Ask any drunk skank on a Girls Gone Wild video. It’s just a matter of letting loose the natural monkey gang war poop throwing instincts. If we can’t do it there, then we’ll end up doing it in the real world politically or religiously.

      I think expecting a mob to act rationally goes against the entire point of rooting for a team. If we didn’t want to become part of a crowd, we would play dungeons and dragons.

      You can be all wishy washy about that bitch when you’re alone. But when it’s bros night and you’re out with your bros, you HAVE to tell them she’s just a bitch and how your gonna kick her new boyfriends ass. Otherwise, you’re not really a dude. If you’re out with the dudes but you’re not really a dude, you are inviting bro-rape.

    4. Cock Rock says:

      Of course losing yourself to groupthink can feel good, but that doesn’t mean it is good, and that doesn’t make Cleveland fans right. Drinking 20 beers can make you feel better, at least temporarily, but that doesn’t mean you should do it.

      And when you’re out with friends after a breakup, you should be meeting new girls instead of exposing the insecurities you have about your ex. I agree that a dude would call a girl a bitch, but sometimes we need to stop being dudes and be men. Otherwise, we have no right to be chauvinists.

    5. Beezard says:

      I understand and even share your ultimate moral philosophy. I just think you have picked the wrong venue to try and feel like you are doing the right thing. Sports are stupid. We are supposed to be stupid about sports. I mean, have you ever really sat down and thought about sports? Not a specific event, but the entire concept of sports beyond it being a different way other than sex and war to be active. It’s really quite ludicrous. Because of this, I think the theater and the quasi-religious ritualizational aspects are essentially what is good and important about sports.

      Sports are also gay. Not like Erasure gay, but like pumping iron so that other guys will check you out and be intimidated gay. Prison gay. Prisons are full of guys who are striving to be real men. I have no desire to live in prison.

      Perhaps you genuinely like sports. Perhaps you weren’t the fat greasy kid that sucked at anything physical who dreaded gym class and the inevitable bullying by sports loving homunculus jock retards every day to the point where you got physically ill. This could be the source of our differences.

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